14 March 2011

penelope cruz: yes please.

Sorry I haven't been around this past week- I was in Charlotte, NC trying to get a job with Cirque du Soleil (and other companies, but when you're in theatre... who cares about them if Cirque is around?). Things seemed to have went well. Though I won't be actually applying to their internship program (who the heck can fund themselves living in Las Vegas for 12 weeks?), I made some badass friends and hopefully they will remember me when I apply to be the owner of their company. Yes, their owner. Aim for the top, people.

At any rate, I had a crazy dream last night that boyfriend and I were interviewing candidates for a threesome. He was conducting actual sit down interviews: finding out if people had diseases, making sure they weren't totally creepy/going to kill us, watching for someone mildly attractive/interesting, etc. After people made the cut with boyfriend, I took them back into our room to show them our crazy toys (most of which we don't actually have, hah) and see if they're still interested at all.

On one of the rounds, Penelope Cruz had made the cut (boyfriend probably didn't ask her a single question... and I don't blame him) and seemed really interested in the whole business. She waited until the other people had left the room then tied me to a wall (that was chainlink...and in my room... uh.) and whipped me with two whips at the same time. Boyfriend heard me yelling something (probably DON'T STOP PENELOPE CRUZ I LOVE YOU) and ran into the room. Which scared her off. She ran out of the building and into the New York streets below (I live in Texas). He checked to make sure I was okay and only remember saying something like "If she had figured out how to use three whips at once, you might have had to worry about me leaving you". We laughed and decided to go for a walk so that we might hopefully find Penelope and bring her back home. We didn't, but we had a really pleasant time just walking through the busy, dirty streets holding hands and talking about absolutely nothing. Adorable.


  1. I'm not a fan of threesomes. I've only got one penis; it's not like I can stick it multiple places at once.

    Also, to be a smart ass, it's easy to afford 12 weeks in Vegas, if you don't stay on the main strip. My in-laws live in Vegas, so I now know that place like the back of my hand. And the cost isn't terrible if you stay off the tourist traps they like to set around the strip.

  2. It just seems like staying anywhere for 12 weeks would get expensive. Also, what if I go away for 12 weeks and Boyfriend has replaced me with Penelope Cruz. Seems totally possible.