25 April 2011

Mismatched Safe Places

We were having a smoke/coffee break and Boyfriend was telling me how hard it is to find the right engagement ring. I was freaking out mentally, but trying really hard to keep the conversation as light as he was.

The dream jumped.

I was staying in the house. The house that I've always dreamed about, that often defys physics and sometimes has different floor plans, but I know it has always been the house. I'd had a baby a few hours before (a home birth, apparently) but hadn't yet finished with that whole process of getting better. Though i was walking around, I wasn't yet allowed to handle baby (because I was still so messed up on pain/relaxation drugs). I was worried that I wouldn't know how to breast feed baby, but as soon as we relaxed into a chair together everything worked out just fine.

The dream jumped again. I was fighting inside a giant theatre. Only it was an us vs them sort of thing. I don't remember who they were, but it had something to do with Halo (which I have never played with any seriousness). I walked out on the balcony level of the theatre seating and shot the HUGE gun that I'd been carrying around. That was it, the last shot, the one that killed all my enemies and won the battle for us. We were all sitting on the balcony level talking about the battle and Mason decided that it hadn't been my shot that had finished off the battle. For some reason, this pissed me off. A lot.

I left the theatre for the hotel where we were all staying. A girl that is in my Art History class (whose name I believe is Ana, though I'm not sure) was in our room (the girls room) putting together collages and sketching out pictures of the battles. She asked me where I felt safe outside of home/apartment. While I was pondering the question, she used the term "Mismatched safe" explaining that it meant the places where you feel safe but don't have any real reason to feel safer there than in other places. For her: the Fine Arts Library, her cousin's porch but not the house, in her car on long drives, etc. The only thing I could think of was Boyfriend. I missed him and was tired of being on the road fighting this stupid war. I realized that he is my mismatched safe, because regardless of where we are together, I feel safe, happy.

I am so ready to be moving back home, to be done with school. It has infiltrated my dreams.

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